The Stronger, Safer Kind (The Boys of DownCrash #1) (new adult contemporary rockstar romance) Read online

  The Stronger, Safer Kind(The Boys of DownCrash #1)

  All Scarlett wanted to do was thank the sexy stranger who helped her push away a drunk, grabby college boy at a bar. When that stranger identifies himself as Tripp and then takes the stage as the lead singer and guitarist for rock band, DownCrash, everything in Scarlett’s life begins to change.

  Her best friend, Andy, confesses his love for her and leaves her with what should be an easy decision to make… yet each time she looks in Andy’s eyes, she can’t help but face her secret, nightmarish past.

  The only thing that makes Scarlett feel better is Tripp… but Tripp isn’t just a bad boy rockstar, he’s hurt. He’s in pain. He tries to hide his pain in a bottle, but Scarlett believes that, perhaps, their secrets can help each other.

  Friendship and love is suddenly put to the test, and Scarlett is torn… Will she choose an easy, comfortable, happy life or a life clouded with mixed signals, raw emotion, and intense romance?

  Prologue

  His breath is a whisper as he touches my leg. This is why I hate wearing dresses. I’ve always hated them but now I have another reason. He’s against me, in the darkness of his room, the only thing I can appreciate in this moment.

  His fingertips are rough, almost scratching along my skin. I shiver and my body tingles, not in the way I wish it would. It’s certainly not in the way he wishes it would. I feel bad for him, and sort of guilty. I know I’ll regret feeling guilty. I’ll fight it later in life and everyone will tell me not to feel guilty.

  I need help.

  I need an escape.

  I blink in the darkness, seeing things in front of my eyes. I look down as he presses against me, forcing the top of my head to touch the wall. I can just make out the sight of our feet. My two small feet, his two large feet. It should be a good sight, it should be something I want, but I don’t.

  I’ve told him that so many times.

  I don’t want this.

  I just don’t.

  But he insists.

  And since I’m kind of drunk… whatever, right?

  It won’t matter. Not in a few minutes. I’ll just get this over with. For the sake of everyone. I’m sick of him looking at me. I’m sick of him casually touching me. And even now, his fingers touching the bottom of my panties, I don’t want it like this.

  I want to tell him to just take it, to have it, whatever he wants. I don’t want anyone to be in pain or hurt over this, except me. I’ll carry it, that’s fine.

  I can’t talk.

  His hand is over my mouth. His hand smells gross, a combination of sweat and not being washed for hours. That makes my stomach curl almost as much as feeling him against me. He’s moving… well, a part of his body is moving. It’s harder. I should like it. Girls like me should like it.

  I don’t.

  I just don’t.

  “You have such a pretty name,” he whispers.

  His breath smells and I squeeze my eyes shut in the darkness as though I can block his scent.

  I can’t.

  “Scarlett,” he whispers. “Oh… Scarlett… Scarlett…”

  I start to cry.

  I told myself I wouldn’t cry.

  1

  “Scarlett…?”

  I opened my eyes and stood up, my chair screaming against the floor, drawing the attention of everyone in the library. I couldn’t control my breathing and as I blinked frantically, I looked around, looking for him.

  Him?

  There was no him, not here.

  I shook my head for a second and smiled at anyone still looking at me. I was pretty sure my cheeks weren’t too red, but whatever.

  “Scarlett, what’s wrong?”

  I looked at Andy as he sat with a pencil behind his ear, somehow balanced on one of the arms of his glasses. He had a pen in his hand, a highlighter in the other hand, and his eyes looked dazed from studying too long.

  I should have been studying too but I really didn’t feel like it. I was ahead in all my classes and the only thing we had left were finals before college ended for the year. Even still, my nose should have been in a book.

  “I’m fine,” I said and sat back down. “I think I fell asleep for a second.”

  “Did you have that bad dream again?” he asked.

  I looked at him and the look in his eyes made me look away. I hated when Andy looked at me like that. At first I used to tell myself that I could never be with a guy who wore glasses. And even as Andy shifted through different frames, now settling on a black frame that honestly made him look really good and grown up, I knew the glasses had nothing to do with it. I was never that shallow of a person and never would be.

  I settled on the fact that Andy and I were too close to ever become… well, too close. He and I, together?

  Andy reached for my hand and took it. It was the exact kind of thing I didn’t want to have happen. Not in the library. Not in front of people. A few people were still lingering with their eyes, wondering what I was up to. It was better to live the college life in the mix of the crowd as just another face. I like it that way but with Andy holding my hand, the last thing I needed was for rumors to start.

  “Scarlett, you can tell me about it,” Andy said.

  “I know I can,” I said. “It’s no big deal. It’s a dream. It happens when I’m stressed out.”

  “Are you stressed out right now? Because of finals?”

  I blinked as I began to lie, nodding.

  “You blinked,” Andy said. “You’re lying.”

  “So what? I’m lying.”

  I stuck my tongue out and Andy shook his head. “I wish you would talk to me more.”

  I opened my mouth and froze. I knew what I wanted to say and what I should have said, but I held it back.

  Why did you tell me you loved me last Saturday night?

  That was the golden goose, right there. Thanks to a party and having a few extra beers than he intended to, Andy came up to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. He squeezed me tight, kissed my cheek, and told me he loved me. The crazy part though was that he’d done that before. We always kissed each other’s cheeks… sometimes on the lips too, but that was usually for holidays and birthdays. I always told Andy I loved him because I did, but it wasn’t the way he meant it at that party.

  I loved Andy like a big brother. A protective friend who had my back.

  Now he sort of felt like a stranger to me.

  I opened my hand and Andy slid his fingers away. Even that, as he let his fingertips linger for an extra second, I watched and judged it.

  Was that romantic?

  Was that sexual?

  Should I be turned on?

  Wait, was I turned on…?

  I had to shut my eyes and clear my head. When I opened my eyes I looked right at Andy again.

  Damn.

  “Scarlett…”

  “Listen, I’ve got to go,” I said. I stood up and closed my economics book. Feeling like a three hundred pound weight, I lifted it and I grabbed for my bag.

  Andy slipped a finger into one of the straps before I could get away.

  “Promise me you’re okay,” he said. “That you’re not… you know… slipping…”

  “Andy, I swear on it,” I said.

  Towards the end of high school I had a rough patch, one that I chalked up to being nervous about leaving home, starting a new life, and finding new friends. All that excuse crap. I partied a little too much and Andy finally took me for a ride and had a one on one int
ervention where he told me I was slipping away. It was the nicest thing anyone had ever done for me up to that point in my life and I promised Andy I wouldn’t slip again.

  So, yeah, I wasn’t slipping… I was just sneaking away, from Andy, because the more I looked at him, the more I thought about what he said, and the more I thought about it, the more my mind tried to convince me that maybe it could make sense.

  But I wasn’t so sure it’s what my heart wanted.

  2

  I climbed the second set of steps to my apartment and before I could touch the doorknob, I heard Maggie’s voice. I swear her voice could carry for miles. When she spoke, you heard it.

  I frowned, sort of wishing the place was empty.

  I thought about turning and leaving but figured a few minutes with Maggie couldn’t do anymore harm.

  She and I met the first day of college, in our dorm, and made a pact that the second we were able to go off campus and live, we would. She had money from her family and I had my savings from high school plus the money I made waiting tables two nights a week and once on the weekends in the morning at a local cafe. It was a cozy place, crammed at times, but certainly better than a dorm.

  I opened the door and Maggie spun around, her cell phone to her ear.

  “Yeah, she actually just walked in. I know, it’s going to be a freaking blast. Okay. Cool.”

  Maggie tossed her cell phone to the table. I watched it hit and spin and I laughed to myself. Six months ago it was the hottest cell phone on the planet and Maggie carried it like it was glass. Funny how things could grow old so fast.

  “We’ve got plans tonight,” Maggie said as she shook her hips, walking towards me.

  “I don’t want plans,” I said. “I want my bed, ice cream, and movies.”

  “How about you do that tomorrow while you nurse a killer hangover?”

  “Listen, Maggie, can we talk for a second…?”

  I wasn’t sure if talking to her about Andy was smart or not. She was the type who would try anything once and I could already hear her in my head telling me to just go for it. To maybe set boundaries and experiment with Andy first. Sex always came before feelings with Maggie. She told me it kept life easy and if the sex was good, then the rest could be figured out. I’m not so sure how true that was, but if she believed it, good for her.

  “What’s wrong? Are you pregnant?”

  “No,” I said. “I haven’t had… well, no, I’m not pregnant.”

  I shook my head, already giving up on Maggie. If someone asked her to talk or appeared upset, she would ask if they were pregnant. Last year, in our history class, she asked one girl if she was pregnant and the girl said ‘No, my grandmother just died…’ And then Maggie replied, ‘Well, at least you’re not pregnant.’ She wasn’t the smartest person sometimes but I loved her.

  I loved her the exact same way I loved Andy.

  The exact same.

  “Okay, listen, we have to get ready,” Maggie said. “We’re leaving in three hours, sharp.”

  She turned and I grabbed her arm. “What are we doing?”

  “We’re going out. I got us in to a show tonight.”

  “A show? What kind of show?”

  “A good show. A really good show. Ever hear of DownCrash?”

  “What’s a DownCrash?” I asked.

  Maggie giggled. “You need to bring music into your life.”

  “I listen to music.”

  “I mean, like, today’s music. DownCrash is the hottest band on campus. In town even. I’ve never seen them, other than walking around campus.”

  “They go to school here?” I asked. I don’t know why but it amazed me to imagine rockstars walking around school.

  “Yeah. They’re our age, or close enough.”

  “Sounds fun I guess.”

  “You guess? Scarlett, look at me right now.”

  I did. Maggie had the pissed off motherly eyes. She always knew how to make me feel guilty.

  “We’re going out tonight. You and me. A small group of friends. Good music. Drinks. Lots of guys.”

  “Guys,” I said. “Just what I need.”

  “That’s exactly what you need.”

  I opened my mouth and then shut it. Maggie was right. I hated when she was right like that.

  That’s what I needed.

  I needed to go out and have fun. Have a few drinks, without Andy by my side. Talk to guys, flirt with guys, push my limits even. Why not? Then I could figure out what I wanted and how I would get it.

  Plus, if I was drunk enough then maybe I could get a full night’s sleep without having that damn nightmare again. Leave it to Andy to try to do something sweet and bring up an old nightmare.

  You have such a pretty name… Scarlett…

  “Scarlett?” Maggie called for me.

  “I’m right here,” I said.

  “What are you thinking about? Don’t back out on me.”

  “I’m not. I want to go out. Who’s driving?”

  Maggie looked at me, confused. She rolled her eyes, trying to figure out what to do next. She always seemed to forget the small but important details.

  “I’ll DD tonight,” I said.

  “No. No way. We’re having fun tonight.”

  “I don’t need to be drunk to have fun,” I said.

  “No, but it helps.”

  I smiled. “You have no plan, Maggie. And you’re not going to mess around with drinking and driving.”

  “I wouldn’t,” Maggie curled her lip like I had offended her.

  I didn’t care. I didn’t mess around with that kind of stuff ever.

  “I have an idea,” Maggie said.

  She hurried to her room and came busting into mine a few minutes later. She waved her cell phone at me.

  “Fixed it,” she said.

  “Fixed what?” I asked. I turned my attention back to my closet, wondering what to wear. I could go Scarlett-casual, as Maggie called it. That meant I’d wear a pair of jeans and a hoodie. I like being comfortable, oh well. Or I could Scarlett-hot, which was something with a little cleavage. Maggie had an obsession with my chest, which sometimes made me uncomfortable. Then again, it was nice to have something that Maggie could be envious of.

  “I fixed the ride thing. Remember Jeff?”

  “Jeff who?”

  “Jeff… the guy I hooked up with after history a few times?”

  “The one with the long hair?”

  “Yeah, him. I called him and he’s already going to the show. So he’s going to take us.”

  “Did you promise to sleep with him?” I asked.

  Maggie smiled. “I told him I planned on having a few drinks and… you never know…”

  Maggie said shaking her head seductively, using her cute voice. The voice she used to get whatever she wanted.

  I smiled.

  I didn’t ask questions.

  At least we had a ride.

  I felt guilty thinking about it, but it made me somewhat happy to have a night out with Maggie. Without Andy.

  3

  The place was called Dave’s and the ‘e’ on the sign was burned out. It was a mix between a dive bar, a club, but was actually once a diner, before the college crowd moved in and took it over, like they’d done to the entire town.

  But it was cool.

  The rustic feel really played into the whole rock n’ roll vibe.

  Dave’s was packed. People sat elbow to elbow at high tops and the bar was full. I knew most of the people and those I didn’t were probably either fans of the band or looking to score with some college girls.

  Maggie led the way to a small table next to the stage. How she managed to pull it off, with nobody sitting there, I didn’t know and I refused to ask. We sat and I looked around, already starting to feel relaxed. I’m generally not a fan of big crowds but I needed one tonight. I needed to see different people, different faces, hear the sound of life, laughter, and maybe even a touch of lust.

  I felt a hand slip over m
y shoulder and I gasped.

  “Look at these ladies,” a voice said.

  I turned and saw Chaz - another one of Maggie’s friends - with one arm on Maggie and one on me. His eyes glimmered with the worst intentions. I smiled at him, hoping he’d take his hand off my shoulder.

  “Chaz,” I said.

  “Look at you Scarlett,” he said. “Showing off your friends…”

  His eyes looked down to my shirt. I rolled my eyes and grabbed the zipper on my hoodie and zipped it all the way up. I called it the Scarlett-semi-casual-semi-hot, the kind of look I liked because I kept control of it.

  “Oh, don’t put them away,” Chaz said. “I didn’t get a good enough look to remember. You know, to take home with me later…”

  He smiled, trying to be cute.

  “That’s the only thing you’re taking home tonight,” I flicked at his fingers until he moved his hand.

  “Okay, okay,” Chaz said. “You don’t like it like that.”

  He stumbled for a second, trying to regain balance and focus.

  “How much did you drink already?” Maggie asked.

  “Just a little,” Chaz joked. “No biggie. Hey, Scarlett, when can I see them? Seriously… what would it take?”

  Chaz’s hand was back on my shoulder. I was getting ready to swing at him, which was really the only way to chase him away, when a hand clamped down on his shoulder. His eyes went wide as he turned his head. I could see his face was in pain but didn’t want to admit the pain in front of me.

  He faced what had to be the hottest guy I’d ever seen in my life. A well defined jaw, intense eyes, and dark black hair that was short and messy. Killer sexy. Not to mention the black t-shirt he wore hugged his big arms tight.

  “What the fu…” Chaz tried to say.

  “Dude, check out this chick over there,” the sexy stranger said and pointed with his free hand.

  I don’t know why but I even checked out his fingers. Weird, I know. But I was suddenly turned on, my eyes trying their best to climb up and down his body without anyone noticing.

  “What chick?” Chaz asked.

  “Look, man, right there.”

  Chaz looked and squinted. “The blonde?”

  “Yeah, the blonde.”

  I looked.

  There were twenty blondes within a twenty foot radius.